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GYXE > Autism > Parents of Asperger children - working 5 August 2006 09:54:27
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Parents of Asperger children - working

Guest 5 August 2006 09:54:27
 Hey all, as you may or may not recall, I have a five-year old son with
Asperger syndrome. He's not "severe" but his condition is quite obvious
to people who know him.

He's never been "clingy", never really bothered when I'm not around
(for example, he spends one night a week at my Mother's house and he
never seems to miss me and he never wants me to stay when I take him to
school in the mornings), BUT I've always worried about what happens
when I get a job and I have to leave him with someone during the summer
holidays... Until now I've avoided working just because I was so
worried, but I've reached the stage where I HAVE to work (just not
making ends meet on the income we're on). Now it's the summer holidays,
my son is off school for the next five weeks (already had one week off)
and I've just gotten a job. I worked last week (part-time), my mother
made a long journey out to us twice last week to look after my son and
then one day he spent with my partner's family. He didn't want me to
leave him, he asked me to stay when I was leaving for work - he kept
saying "don't go, I want you to stay!" and it really upset me. This is
the first time he's been like this and I'm worried what he thinks of me
for having to go. At the end of my working day when I arrived home last
week, he was annoyed with me, said things like "Where were you? I
wanted you today and you weren't here!". All I could do was apologise
and let him know I was here for him.

I would never put my son with a childminder, I know he wouldn't cope
well, but I thought he woul actually enjoy family members looking after
him, since he gets something different (and enjoyable) from each of
them. I basically just wanted to post here to see if anyone had any
experiences and to see if anyone could lend any tips.

I'm hoping that he will soon get used to it and understand that I'm
working to make our lives a little easier. BUT in the meantime it's
incredibly upsetting to think that I'm making him sad and I feel very
guilty that I'm missing out on time with him in his holidays.

Thanks everyone,
Take care,
Naomi

Add comment
Cailleach 31 July 2006 14:32:41 [ permanent link ]
 
I've always worried about what happens when I get a job and I have to leave him with> someone during the summer holidays...

Hi Naomi,

My sympathies, this is a tricky situation! My son is also a very able
Aspie, and although he was fine at nursery (and I was able to work part
time) I had childcare problems when he started school and I have had to
stop working too. Finances don't force me to work, but I do want to go
back to work and so I've been fumbling my way towards sorting out
childcare very slowly!

Some things that may make it easier... Aspies like routine and
familiarity. So it may be easier on your son if he has some kind of
regular daily arrangement, with routine, going to the same places and
people every day, rather than different family arrangements and
routines on different days. It can also help if you give him a schedule
- with pictures on it! - telling him what he will do that day, who
he'll be with and when you will be coming for him.

I'm assuming from your address that you're in the UK like me, so...

Does your local autistic society (or the National Autistic Society)
have a summer playcheme in your area? Our local autistic society run
one for five weeks over the summer holiday, and my son loves it! They
have one-to-one care with trained workers, they take the kids out on
endless trips and outings, they tailor whatever they do to the
children's preferences. And the place is set up to be Aspie-friendly
with notice-boards and visual schedules. Other disability charities
also run playschemes and they may be able to support an Aspie child (my
son was also offered a place at a general special-needs playscheme.)

You might be able to find an at-home carer for your son - I haven't
looked into this much myself but I believe there are some agencies
(such as http://www.snapchil­dcare.co.uk/index.ht­ml), or the National
Autistic Society might be able to point you at someone.

You might be able to get him a supported place in an out-of-school care
club, too. Where I live the council have just set up a project to help
children on the autistic spectrum use mainstream childcare, especially
out-of-school care clubs (though they're also looking at childminders!)
The idea is that they talk to the family and the club, sort out what
the child needs, provide training for staff at the club and also - for
a few months - a worker who knows about autism/Aspergers to accompany
the child. It's is also possible to get funding for one-to-one
supervision within the care club from our council. And some clubs
already have extra workers who keep an eye on special-needs children.

The social work department at your council might be able to help you
with some of this. Again, this varies in different places. Where I live
they insisted on doing a huge evaluation of our needs and we only got a
little direct help from them, but the social workers often know what's
available and who to contact. And together with the local autistic
society, the social worker did help to get my son a supported place at
the after-school care club once a week.

And, from the money point of view, are you all sorted out with
benefits? Your son should be entitled to some Disability Living
Allowance regardless of how much you earn, and if he is entitled to a
high enough level of DLA and if you have low earnings (I think it's
less than about 80 pounds a week), then you could be entitled to
Carer's Allowance too (even if your partner is earning more). That can
add up to quite a lot.

The Dept of Work and Pensions has a web site with information about
both these benefits
http://www.dwp.gov.­uk/lifeevent/discare­/
or you can ask at the Citizens Advice Bureau.

Phew! That was a bit of a brain-dump :-)­

Hope some of it helps,

Cailleach
(NT mother of Adam, 8yo Asperger's, living in the UK)


griffinng@yahoo.co.­uk wrote:> Hey all, as you may or may not recall, I have a five-year old son with> Asperger syndrome. He's not "severe" but his condition is quite obvious> to people who know him.>
He's never been "clingy", never really bothered when I'm not around> (for example, he spends one night a week at my Mother's house and he> never seems to miss me and he never wants me to stay when I take him to> school in the mornings), BUT I've always worried about what happens> when I get a job and I have to leave him with someone during the summer> holidays... Until now I've avoided working just because I was so> worried, but I've reached the stage where I HAVE to work (just not> making ends meet on the income we're on). Now it's the summer holidays,> my son is off school for the next five weeks (already had one week off)> and I've just gotten a job. I worked last week (part-time), my mother> made a long journey out to us twice last week to look after my son and> then one day he spent with my partner's family. He didn't want me to> leave him, he asked me to stay when I was leaving for work - he kept> saying "don't go, I want you to stay!" and it really upset me. This is> the first time he's been like this and I'm worried what he thinks of me> for having to go. At the end of my working day when I arrived home last> week, he was annoyed with me, said things like "Where were you? I> wanted you today and you weren't here!". All I could do was apologise> and let him know I was here for him.>
I would never put my son with a childminder, I know he wouldn't cope> well, but I thought he woul actually enjoy family members looking after> him, since he gets something different (and enjoyable) from each of> them. I basically just wanted to post here to see if anyone had any> experiences and to see if anyone could lend any tips.>
I'm hoping that he will soon get used to it and understand that I'm> working to make our lives a little easier. BUT in the meantime it's> incredibly upsetting to think that I'm making him sad and I feel very> guilty that I'm missing out on time with him in his holidays.>
Thanks everyone,> Take care,> Naomi

Add comment
Toto 1 August 2006 01:17:50 [ permanent link ]
 On 31 Jul 2006 02:43:32 -0700, griffinng@yahoo.co.­uk wrote:
I would never put my son with a childminder, I know he wouldn't cope>well, but I thought he woul actually enjoy family members looking after>him, since he gets something different (and enjoyable) from each of>them. I basically just wanted to post here to see if anyone had any>experiences and to see if anyone could lend any tips.

He might do better with a single childminder because it would become
a routine. I'm not sure how you know he wouldn't cope without trying
it out. The idea though is to find someone who meshes with his
personality and who understands how to work with autistic kids.

Note that even NT children have separation anxiety when parents go to
work and have to leave them on a consistent basis. Since he is very
verbal and probably has some understanding of what is happening, try
reading him some books about mom's who work so he can visualize where
you are going.

If you get a childminder, try to set up a routine she does with him so
that there is consistency throughout the day. Perhaps you can call
him on the phone too once a day during a break or lunch time?


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits
Add comment
The V person 1 August 2006 04:01:41 [ permanent link ]
 
"toto" <scarecrow@wicked.w­itch> wrote in message
news:fnssc2lkj7c7dv­jjqpsfo3t45h21acsn6b­@4ax.com...> On 31 Jul 2006 02:43:32 -0700, griffinng@yahoo.co.­uk wrote:>
I would never put my son with a childminder, I know he wouldn't cope>>well, but I thought he woul actually enjoy family members looking after>>him, since he gets something different (and enjoyable) from each of>>them. I basically just wanted to post here to see if anyone had any>>experiences and to see if anyone could lend any tips.>
He might do better with a single childminder because it would become> a routine.

What's a childminder?
Some who reads childrens minds? :)­
V.


Add comment
Cailleach 1 August 2006 16:13:53 [ permanent link ]
 
The V person wrote:> What's a childminder?> Some who reads childrens minds? :)­> V.

:-)­

In the UK, a childminder is someone who is paid to care for someone
else's child or children -- that is, to "mind" the child! :-)­ -- in her
own home rather than the child's home. Childminders are supposed to be
registered, insured, their houses checked etc. I think that in the US
they're sometimes called "home daycares".

A childminder can be a very good set-up, but when my son started school
(and before I knew he had Asperger's, so I wasn't looking for anything
special!) I looked for a childminder and I had the impression that many
of our local child-minders were caring for several children each, as
well as children of their own, and that wouldn't have suited Adam.

All the best,

Cailleach

Add comment
The V person 1 August 2006 19:34:49 [ permanent link ]
 
"Cailleach" <cailleach@hotmail.­co.uk> wrote in message
news:1154434432.994­732.162080@i42g2000c­wa.googlegroups.com.­..>
The V person wrote:>> What's a childminder?>> Some who reads childrens minds? :)­>> V.>
:-)­>
In the UK, a childminder is someone who is paid to care for someone> else's child or children -- that is, to "mind" the child! :-)­ -- in her> own home rather than the child's home. Childminders are supposed to be> registered, insured, their houses checked etc. I think that in the US> they're sometimes called "home daycares".>
A childminder can be a very good set-up, but when my son started school> (and before I knew he had Asperger's, so I wasn't looking for anything> special!) I looked for a childminder and I had the impression that many> of our local child-minders were caring for several children each, as> well as children of their own, and that wouldn't have suited Adam.>
All the best,>
Cailleach

Oh I see ,, yes,, thank you for explaining,,, you are right in the U.S we
call those situations ,,, Daycare,,,

I never liked Daycare,,, I tried it for my son once and the lady was
very nice,,, unfortuanly when one child got sick then all the children would
get sick and Vincent came down with a very horrible flu from there and
passed it to his sister who wasn't in day care,,,,, Plus Vincent would not
eat food while he was there,,, I guess cause it was a unfamiliar place? So
he only spent about a week in day care when he was about 4 I think,,, I
wasn't working but I thought being around other kids in a different
environment might be beneficial to Vincent,,,, I unenrolled him after he got
dreadfully ill..

V.


Add comment
Cailleach 1 August 2006 20:55:27 [ permanent link ]
 Well, Adam was very happy at nursery - which is another kind of
daycare, a nursery is a more formal set-up with several carers and lots
of kids in a dedicated building, not in someone's home. He enjoyed
being with the other kids and staff, and the structured setting with a
regular daily routine among familiar staff and children suited him
perfectly. He even ate better at nursery than at home!

In fact he was so well suited that we didn't realise he had Asperger's
until he started school, which didn't work for him at all. I sometimes
feel as if we've all gone to vast effort and expense to re-create
Adam's nursery environment in his classroom!

It's true that he did get ill quite a lot in the first few months.
Nothing major, but lots of little things. Then his immune system seemed
to build up and he was fine.

And of course, all children are different anyway, so what suits one
doesn't work for another,

Cailleach

Add comment
Toto 2 August 2006 06:49:01 [ permanent link ]
 On Tue, 01 Aug 2006 00:01:41 GMT, "The V person"
<Victorious@cantbeb­othered.net> wrote:
"toto" <scarecrow@wicked.w­itch> wrote in message >news:fnssc2lkj7c7d­vjjqpsfo3t45h21acsn6­b@4ax.com...>> On 31 Jul 2006 02:43:32 -0700, griffinng@yahoo.co.­uk wrote:>>
I would never put my son with a childminder, I know he wouldn't cope>>>well, but I thought he woul actually enjoy family members looking after>>>him, since he gets something different (and enjoyable) from each of>>>them. I basically just wanted to post here to see if anyone had any>>>experiences and to see if anyone could lend any tips.>>
He might do better with a single childminder because it would become>> a routine.>
What's a childminder?> Some who reads childrens minds? :)­> V. >
The term in the US would probably be a babysitter. <g>


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits
Add comment
Toto 2 August 2006 06:51:34 [ permanent link ]
 On 1 Aug 2006 05:13:53 -0700, "Cailleach" <cailleach@hotmail.­co.uk>
wrote:
The V person wrote:>> What's a childminder?>> Some who reads childrens minds? :)­>> V.>
:-)­>
In the UK, a childminder is someone who is paid to care for someone>else's child or children -- that is, to "mind" the child! :-)­ -- in her>own home rather than the child's home. Childminders are supposed to be>registered, insured, their houses checked etc. I think that in the US>they're sometimes called "home daycares".>
I would have thought a babysitter in your own home would also be a
childminder, but then I didn't realize the difference between that
here. Yes they would be called home daycares here.
A childminder can be a very good set-up, but when my son started school>(and before I knew he had Asperger's, so I wasn't looking for anything>special!) I looked for a childminder and I had the impression that many>of our local child-minders were caring for several children each, as>well as children of their own, and that wouldn't have suited Adam.>
Home daycares do usually have more than one child here too. OTOH,
it's like having some brothers and sisters as it is in a home instead
of in a center.
All the best,>
Cailleach




--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits
Add comment
Toto 2 August 2006 06:55:13 [ permanent link ]
 On Tue, 01 Aug 2006 15:34:49 GMT, "The V person"
<Victorious@cantbeb­othered.net> wrote:
"Cailleach" <cailleach@hotmail.­co.uk> wrote in message >news:1154434432.99­4732.162080@i42g2000­cwa.googlegroups.com­...>>
The V person wrote:>>> What's a childminder?>>> Some who reads childrens minds? :)­>>> V.>>
:-)­>>
In the UK, a childminder is someone who is paid to care for someone>> else's child or children -- that is, to "mind" the child! :-)­ -- in her>> own home rather than the child's home. Childminders are supposed to be>> registered, insured, their houses checked etc. I think that in the US>> they're sometimes called "home daycares".>>
A childminder can be a very good set-up, but when my son started school>> (and before I knew he had Asperger's, so I wasn't looking for anything>> special!) I looked for a childminder and I had the impression that many>> of our local child-minders were caring for several children each, as>> well as children of their own, and that wouldn't have suited Adam.>>
All the best,>>
Cailleach>
Oh I see ,, yes,, thank you for explaining,,, you are right in the U.S we >call those situations ,,, Daycare,,,>
There is a distinction between home daycares and daycare centers
though.
I never liked Daycare,,, I tried it for my son once and the lady was >very nice,,, unfortuanly when one child got sick then all the children would >get sick and Vincent came down with a very horrible flu from there and >passed it to his sister who wasn't in day care,,,,, Plus Vincent would not >eat food while he was there,,, I guess cause it was a unfamiliar place? So >he only spent about a week in day care when he was about 4 I think,,, I >wasn't working but I thought being around other kids in a different >environment might be beneficial to Vincent,,,, I unenrolled him after he got >dreadfully ill..>
V. >

Interesting. Illnesses generally happen more the first year a child
is in any group situation with other children though. No matter when
they go, they eventually share their bugs and they build up their
immunity to illnesses that way.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits
Add comment
The V person 2 August 2006 08:32:06 [ permanent link ]
 
"toto" <scarecrow@wicked.w­itch> wrote in message
news:3s40d2depl3hqq­m0h839mfq4bdhsjfj634­@4ax.com...> On Tue, 01 Aug 2006 15:34:49 GMT, "The V person"> <Victorious@cantbeb­othered.net> wrote:>
"Cailleach" <cailleach@hotmail.­co.uk> wrote in message>>news:11544­34432.994732.162080@­i42g2000cwa.googlegr­oups.com...>>>
The V person wrote:>>>> What's a childminder?>>>> Some who reads childrens minds? :)­>>>> V.>>>
:-)­>>>
In the UK, a childminder is someone who is paid to care for someone>>> else's child or children -- that is, to "mind" the child! :-)­ -- in her>>> own home rather than the child's home. Childminders are supposed to be>>> registered, insured, their houses checked etc. I think that in the US>>> they're sometimes called "home daycares".>>>
A childminder can be a very good set-up, but when my son started school>>> (and before I knew he had Asperger's, so I wasn't looking for anything>>> special!) I looked for a childminder and I had the impression that many>>> of our local child-minders were caring for several children each, as>>> well as children of their own, and that wouldn't have suited Adam.>>>
All the best,>>>
Cailleach>>
Oh I see ,, yes,, thank you for explaining,,, you are right in the U.S >> we>>call those situations ,,, Daycare,,,>>
There is a distinction between home daycares and daycare centers> though.>
I never liked Daycare,,, I tried it for my son once and the lady was>>very nice,,, unfortuanly when one child got sick then all the children >>would>>get sick and Vincent came down with a very horrible flu from there and>>passed it to his sister who wasn't in day care,,,,, Plus Vincent would not>>eat food while he was there,,, I guess cause it was a unfamiliar place? So>>he only spent about a week in day care when he was about 4 I think,,, I>>wasn't working but I thought being around other kids in a different>>environm­ent might be beneficial to Vincent,,,, I unenrolled him after he >>got>>dreadfully ill..>>
V.>>
Interesting. Illnesses generally happen more the first year a child> is in any group situation with other children though. No matter when> they go, they eventually share their bugs and they build up their> immunity to illnesses that way.>
--> Dorothy

The other children who were in day care were also quite sick so I think
this immunity theory is bogus.. Besides like I said my son was not eating
there and he would be starving when he came home so I don't think just for
the opppourtunity to mingle with other children and stuff ( it was also
based on some aspects of montesorri teaching) that it was worth it for
Vincent or me,,,

Vincent is quite social now,,, but he wasn't then,,, in fact his words were
very very limited,,,,, although I do think the lady who ran the day care was
nice it had nothing to do with that,,,, I just am not a fan of crowded
places,,,, I even don't really like public schools for all the diseases my
kids have gotten there,,,, its just not daycares that are rampant disease
factory's..... Yeah I am a little radical but Ive tried to warn people :)­
Being a Aspie Mom is a bit differnt to being a NT mom,,,
I'm pretty old too,,, 50 years old as a matter of fact,,, my Mom stayed
home with my brothers and I and I appreciated that when I was little,,,,
V.


Add comment
Chris 5 August 2006 04:39:50 [ permanent link ]
 it could have been partially a sensory issue. I find it much harder to eat
in group situations, especially if it's noisy. food just adds more sensory
input and it can all be too much

--
"Being *able* to do something does not automatically imply that it is easy
or undemanding." - Terry
ASA FAQ: http://www.mugsy.or­g/asa_faq/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~­~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The V person" <Victorious@cantbeb­othered.net> wrote in message
news:twKzg.184$%j7.­131@newssvr29.news.p­rodigy.net...>
"Cailleach" <cailleach@hotmail.­co.uk> wrote in message> news:1154434432.994­732.162080@i42g2000c­wa.googlegroups.com.­..> >
The V person wrote:
I never liked Daycare,,, I tried it for my son once and the lady was> very nice,,, unfortuanly when one child got sick then all the children
would> get sick and Vincent came down with a very horrible flu from there and> passed it to his sister who wasn't in day care,,,,, Plus Vincent would not> eat food while he was there,,, I guess cause it was a unfamiliar place?
V.>



--
Posted via a free Usenet account from http://www.teranews­.com

Add comment
The V person 5 August 2006 05:22:30 [ permanent link ]
 
"Chris" <n_l_chris_nospam@y­ahoo.com> wrote in message
news:44d3db97$0$140­05$88260bb3@free.ter­anews.com...> it could have been partially a sensory issue. I find it much harder to eat> in group situations, especially if it's noisy. food just adds more sensory> input and it can all be too much

Yes,, Vincent had many many sensory issues when he was little,, this has
changed in the recent years so much that he barely resembles what he used to
when he was younger...
Nonetheless I wasn't much for changes in my routine either and I guess
some would call me overprotective but I did what I had to do to keep Vincent
ok,,,
V.


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Chris 5 August 2006 09:54:27 [ permanent link ]
 you can only do your best. there is always someone to judge, but no one can
truly know what is right. we just muddle through

--
"Being *able* to do something does not automatically imply that it is easy
or undemanding." - Terry
ASA FAQ: http://www.mugsy.or­g/asa_faq/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~­~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The V person" <Victorious@cantbeb­othered.net> wrote in message
news:qpSAg.1080$o27­.634@newssvr21.news.­prodigy.com...>
"Chris" <n_l_chris_nospam@y­ahoo.com> wrote in message> news:44d3db97$0$140­05$88260bb3@free.ter­anews.com...> > it could have been partially a sensory issue. I find it much harder to
in group situations, especially if it's noisy. food just adds more
sensory> > input and it can all be too much>
Yes,, Vincent had many many sensory issues when he was little,, this
changed in the recent years so much that he barely resembles what he used
when he was younger...> Nonetheless I wasn't much for changes in my routine either and I guess> some would call me overprotective but I did what I had to do to keep
Vincent> ok,,,> V.>



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GYXE > Autism > Parents of Asperger children - working 5 August 2006 09:54:27
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